Reverend Marci Scott-Weis, MDIV
In 1969 before the U.S. Senate, Mr. Rogers said, “I feel that if we in public television can only make it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service for mental health.” And Mr. Rogers did just that over the course of some 900 episodes of his show, as he talked about feelings using simple language that kids could understand.
In his show, Mister Rogers consistently emphasized the importance of kids recognizing, expressing, and managing their emotions. He taught that feelings are “mentionable and manageable,” and encouraged his viewers to talk about their feelings and understand that others can help them manage them. Mr. Rogers made it okay to be comfortable with and to express feelings, to be mad or sad or scared. He encouraged kids to find ways to express their feelings and taught that what mattered most is what we do with our feelings.
In fact, Mr. Rogers invented an entire Neighborhood where people could get together and talk about the things in life that scared them or confused them. In that Neighborhood, he gave kids a safe space to explore their emotions. He gave them a place where feelings weren’t ignored or dismissed. Instead, in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, feelings were acknowledged, talked about, acted out and incorporated into play. Throughout his tv series Mister Rogers helped kids know there were lots of ways to deal with and express feelings…ways that wouldn’t hurt them or anyone else.
One of the ways that Mr. Rogers did this was when in 1968, when Bobby Kennedy was shot, he asked for a primetime special because he wanted to help kids understand how that assassination might be impacting their parents feelings. During that special, Mr. Rogers entered his television home, not singing and sat down on the bench where he usually changed his shoes. Then he looked directly into the camera and explained violence and how parents and kids may be feeling about it. He said, ‘the people who are doing these terrible things are making a lot of other people sad and angry, but when we get sad and angry, you and I, we know what to do with our feelings so that we don’t have to hurt other people.’
Over three decades, Mr. Rogers made it ok to be comfortable with and to talk about feelings. He taught his viewers to recognize feelings and to understand them and most importantly to realize that is how you grow. That spiritual wisdom aligns perfectly with the thirteenth-century Sufi mystic Rumi, who wrote the poem, The Guest House. In the first two stanzas of that poem, Rumi compares our physical bodies to a house and emotions as houseguests, where visitors, our emotions come and go.
The Guest House has been one of my absolute favorite poems for a very long time. In my family growing up, I didn’t learn how to express my emotions. It didn’t feel safe to express my emotions. So, when I stumbled across Rumi’s poem as an adult, I was struck by this concept of welcoming emotions, even the unpleasant emotions, as special and esteemed guests. Of greeting whatever feelings we may be experiencing, whether it be pleasure or pain, and honoring them as sacred guests in our lives.
Now throughout most of my life, when I felt strong emotions or feelings that I didn’t especially enjoy, like anger, shame, embarrassment, betrayal, or sorrow, my tendency was to ignore them, or reject them, or try to push them away. I’d also label those emotions as ‘bad’ and I thought that there was something wrong with me for feeling them. For most of my life, I had absolutely no interest in experiencing those big unpleasant emotions that I deemed to be ‘bad’, much less acknowledging them or God forbid….welcoming them!
Yet that is Rumi’s advice in the beautiful poem we just heard. If these unexpected visitors are there anyway, and they will be there anyway, why not welcome them instead of rejecting them. Why not embrace all of our feelings and emotions with open arms and open heart. Why not roll out the red carpet and shower our emotions with radical hospitality. Because when we reject or ignore those emotions, we are probably just adding fuel to the fire and making them stronger. Because what we resist, persists!
I’ll give you an example….last summer after my mother died, I realized that I was being short and tense in how I talked with my spouse Jasper. So I took some time to pause and consider what emotions were behind my behavior. And I realized that I was full to the brim of sorrow and anger. And so I turned to the wisdom of Rumi and imagined myself putting my arm around those feelings and saying, ‘welcome sorrow, welcome anger, come in and make yourself at home….it’s good you’re here…I see you and even though I don’t really want to, I feel you and I know that you are holy and sacred….so let’s go sit by the river together and just be’. And I did that over and over again and it felt like I cried about a hundred buckets full of tears by that river.
Both Mr. Rogers and Rumi have taught me that if I can step back when I am reacting instead of responding, I often discover that I am feeling a big unpleasant emotion and not acknowledging it. Last summer, I was feeling a whole lot of really intense sorrow and anger and it made me so uncomfortable that I was ignoring it, I was wishing it away. But when I was able to pause and be brutally honest with myself and then genuinely welcome those big emotions of anger and sorrow as old friends, loving embrace them, show gratitude and honor them as a sacred part of me, I felt myself gaining perspective. I felt myself lightening. I felt myself becoming a bit more whole and centered. And I treated my beloved in a much more respectful and loving manner…I hope!
Our feelings are a holy part of us and today’s scripture passage affirms the sacredness of those feelings as the Apostle Paul in 1st Corinthians ask us ‘do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s spirit dwells in you?’ Paul is reminding us that all that we are, all that have been, all that we will be, including all of our feelings, is part of a sacred and holy dwelling place for our God. Even those big ugly emotions like anger, sorrow, embarrassment, betrayal, shame. If they are within us, they are sacred and they are to be honored for the divine spark that they carry.
Our emotions are an incredible gift. They are full of wisdom and they can provide us with critical insights about how to act and how to be in the world. Our emotions are holy and sacred messages that can help us orient ourselves and navigate the world in a way that feels true and right. And when we accept our emotions, welcome them and understand them, our emotions can help us become a better neighbor to all and can help us build more loving neighborhoods around us.
Rumi, the Apostle Paul and Mr. Rogers all agree that feelings not only matter, but they should also be honored and welcomed. Our emotions should be viewed as sacred and holy parts of ourselves, even the unpleasant ones! Because when we do that, when we honor our feelings as sacred and holy, we are able to be better neighbors in a much more beautiful way. And most importantly, when we honor our emotions as sacred and holy, we’re able to love this world and all in it, including ourselves, in a much bigger and bolder way. And the world desperately needs that sort of love right now!
So may we welcome all that we are, all that we feel and leave through these doors today, feeling all the feelings and prepared to be the best neighbors that we can, bringing love and light to all that we meet….may it be so!
Amen
